Question-AnswersCategory: marriagetriple-talaq-and-abortion-and-repentance
Feeza Khan asked 3 years ago

Assalam-o-Alaikum, I am a 30 years old divorced woman. I got married around 2 years ago and have been living with my husband in Finland for almost a year until the divorce. I come from a very independent yet religious family setting from Pakistan. My parent\’s approach towards raising children is quite different from my ex-husband’s. Just after my Nikkah, I realized that my ex-husband’s parents are not quite happy with me generally and used to pass unnecessary and sometimes ridiculous remarks towards me which I found quite offensive. I never disobeyed them nor once replied rudely. However, I used to complain or tell about how I felt about their behavior to my husband but he never once console me and always defended his parent\’s attitude saying “you need to tolerate this as this is their nature”. Being away from friends and family, I occasionally share this stuff over the phone with my mother and sister. My husband once overheard the conversation and confronted me to that I replied “if you will not listen to me I had to vent my feelings out to someone (in this case to my mother and sister)”. Keeping in mind my mother never told me once to disrespect them or to conspire against them. She has always guided me to be more patient with the situation. After the incident, I found that he used to place an audio recorder in the house to hear the conversation between my mother and sister over the phone. My mother and sister also share their personal problem with me and he used to hear that as well. This leads me to my first question: 1. Is it right for a husband to go to such an extent that he place an audio recorder in the house without the wife’s knowledge to overhear the conversation with her mother and sister (considering the wife is not involved in any kind of adultery not talking to any na-mehram nor planning conspiracies against husband and his family, just sharing her feeling about being judged her husband’s parents and him over petty issues). Also, there involves the personal conversation off to other women (my mother and my sister)? Due to his parent\’s constant interference in my married life and after being found out they used to feed my husband against me I become agitated and react in a way that sometimes becomes very harsh and annoying (which my husband found disturbing and used to say he will leave me). I took that thing quite casually. After some time, I become pregnant and I asked my husband is he happy with the pregnancy? He was confused and said that I am not ready for the child, I need to finish my MBA and get my citizenship requirements sorted and I can\’t take much burden upon myself. He advise me to go for an abortion (as he read somewhere that abortion before 120 days is permissible in Islam). I trusted him and decided to abort the child. However, afterward, until the abortion, he asked me several times to reconsider the decision but not once shown the will that he actually wanted the baby. A day before the abortion he very lovingly sat beside me asked me why I wanted to abort the baby and I (trusting him) just states my fear of having a baby. After sharing all my fears I asked him that “if he wants the baby we will not abort it” but he said, “No go for it”. Little did I know at that time that he was secretly recording all the conversations to use them against me after the divorce. He himself booked an appointment for an abortion, he took me to the hospital, he was there with me at every step, he told me that fetus has not formed and abortion is permissible in Islam (I considered him to be more religious than me in general and trusted him). However, after that, he put all the blame upon me that I didn\’t want a child in the first place saying “I asked you to reconsider about the abortion thrice on different occasions”. After the abortion, we had a talk that we won’t disclose this to our respective families in Pakistan as this is a very personal family matter and we will try to repent and ask for forgiveness from Allah. But as soon as we went back to Pakistan on vacations he told his parents about the abortion blaming me that I didn\’t want a child and making them listen to the audio about the abortion. He used that as a reason to divorce and send my family the same audio blaming me only for the abortion. My next question is: 2. I know I have committed a major sin and I was and am extremely ashamed of my actions and I am on a track of repentance for that (my husband knew that and said that we need to repent and ask Allah for forgiveness). However, is it right on my husband\’s part to disclose such private information about the family to his or my parents and blame me only for the abortion? As we decided not to tell anyone? Doesn’t it come under betrayal in Islam? Due to the severe lockdown situation in Pakistan, I didn\’t want to visit Pakistan, my husband begged me to go to Pakistan with him after reaching Pakistan he and his family constantly pressurized me to visit my parents when I refused his father ignites the situation and asked me to leave the house by cursing me. My husband then left me at my parent\’s house and ask me to come to the airport on a flight back to Finland after two weeks. He was constantly in touch with me for two days as it was a weekend and made me calm down. However, on Monday he sent divorce deeds and audio on my brother\’s WhatsApp stating TALAQ three times. Only then did I come to realize that it was all conspiracy against me to bring me back to Pakistan and divorce me like this. He and his father justified this act by saying they have done this all by consulting a religious scholar. I have been very traumatized since then. I have read and watched numerous scholars’ opinions on that matter. However, I am not been able to calm myself down over the fact that, I am such a bad woman in Islam’s perspective that my husband didn\’t even bother to talk to me and my family about this and conspire all things against me. I know I have done the wrong but he and Allah also know how much I regret and repent afterward and he was also involved in the abortion at every stage. My third and last question is: 3. Is Islam so much harsh against women that he allows men to conspire against his wife? Degrade his wife in his family as well as in her family? Make his father talk and pass shitty remarks on her? Sending TALAQ three times on Whatsapp? Blaming all things on wife for the TALAQ? Recording every private and personal conversation of a wife without her knowledge and making others listen to it? He justified all these acts that he consults a religious scholar before sending me triple TALAQ on WhatsApp suddenly and that scholar advised him to do that. Can you tell me does Islam really justifies these acts? I am in so much mental pain. I am trying hard to repent and your answer will surely give me some perspective.

1 Answers
Syed Hamad answered 3 years ago

Sister first of all it’s clearly mentioned in quran > do not backbite or Spy one another.
So your husband is not allowed to Spy on you.
Second thing, if he forced you for abortion he is responsible for the act. Sin will be on him if he plotted this for divorce. Also you should repent and recite tasbeeh of astaghfirullah as much as you can.
Parents are not allowed islamically to interfere in someone married life. 
Keep asking help from ALLAH and keep offering prayers, ALLAH will make a way for you. InshaALLAH

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