Assalam o aleikum. I am writing to inquire about a problem i am facing in my marriage. Before getting married, i told my spouse that i have started a medication for my anxiety attacks. My husband to be told me he will be supportive of it. I asked him if we should tell this to his parents, he said no he will tell them himself.
After our marriage, a month after we told my mother in law. My mother in law flipped. she said that my parents should have told this to her. I talked to my parents, they said they are ready to come and apologise. Mil (Mother in law) said no need for them to come. Also did my husband.
But now she says that my parents have got me burden off from them. She also treats me rudely. She doesnt let me help her in kitchen, and then complain to her husband and her other children that i dont help. WHen i say help, it literally includes everything including drinking water. She told me that her son has taken a problem in his life by marrying me. I had often felt insulted, i would cry, discuss with my husband, and we would just keep it to ourself. My mother’s marriage is also second. She once said to me keep islam on side, how can she possibly get married again from a woman’s perspective. I started crying because this was a sensitive topic to me.
When i cook, she doesnt like my food. She says its so bad, she cant have it pass down her throat. She doesnt let me cook, but when i dont cook, she gets annoyed that i am not helping. And i make mistakes like if i over sleep or anything (Not a dangerous category mistake) she tells me how blood relation is blood relation and others is not.
But now, when she passes by me. she says words softly that only i can hear like “actor, drama-creater, ill-mannered” I never say anything back to her. Now day before yesterday, i got really upset as i was making a dish, she came in and said dont make it. i said aunty, i have already defrosted the meat. she said Astaghfaar on you. And then her younger son came in and said “dont you get it when you are asked not to cook something?” I went upstairs and cried and did not have dinner and requested my husband i wanted to eat food outside.
Next day, she called in her son and said why i didnt have dinner. He said i was upset because her brother got rude to me. she called me in, called his brother in too. his brother said i said it to you in respectful tone. My Mil said this is exxactly why i have called you all in the room, to prove that she is a liar and fills your ear with stories. And then, my husband said that she is being very wrong to me. I am his wife, and it got her angrier that he was taking my side.
In last year, me and my husband had never fought once. we are so happy together. My husband is in awkard situation where he has to strike a balance between the both of us. My mind gets confused. She hates me so much, she tells me that because of me, she is ill and is losing weight. What do i do now? do i make a sacrifice of leaving my husband so that his mother doesnt get sick.
is this the consequence i have to bear for not telling mil about my medication which by the way has finished. With Allah’s help, i dont have anxiety attacks anymore. When we tell her that, she says they will come back. She has seen it happen to her siblings and so she is not happy that her son married a girl with this problem.
My husband will talk to his parents again. He sent me to my home (which is in another city). He has requested my parents not to get in contact till he talks to them, its been three days they havent talked. I also messaged my mil but she did not reply. she hates me a lot (given the things she said about me). That i am a liar, manipulator.